Toxic : Tackling 'Razor' and Finding the Real Me

Neil 'Razor' Ruddock tells the inspiring and uplifting story of how he faced the battle of his life: to become a different person. In this inspiring and uplifting memoir, Neil Ruddock charts his toxic journey of self-destruction, a path littered with food addiction, plummeting self-confidence and a dangerous relationship with drink which took him to the brink of death. 'Razor' was his caricature of the larger-than-life football hardman, a persona which turned from a natural extension of Ruddock's character to a comfort blanket to smother every mood, every emotion. When his front door closed, the laughter stopped. He was depressed and despairing. Football had institutionalised him. Talking about his inner feelings wasn't an option, owning up to mental health issues was an absolute no-no. In a remarkable series of confessions, and with his trademark humour and brutal honesty, Ruddock recounts how he spiralled so far out of control that he lost sight of who he really was. No matter how he was feeling, he reached for the same old answer - the mask of 'Razor' and a big night out. Following the fitting of a pacemaker and drastic stomach surgery, Ruddock has lost nine stones, firmly pressed the reset button on his life, and found the strength to free himself of the shackles of the bloke he thought he needed to be in order to become the man he always knew he was. Toxic tells the story of how Ruddock faced the battle of his life: to become a different person. No longer does he feel the need to be anything but his true self. As he now says: I'm half the man I used to be, but twice the man I used to be.'